The Knee

This is a one-act, one-person comedy. Phil (or Philomena) Smith's hobby and main interest in life is mountaineering and long-distance walking. Unfortunately, about two years ago, something drastic went wrong with his right knee. At first, Phil wasn't too worried - these things have a tendency to go away, eventually.

However, two years on and Phil hasn't walked (on hills and mountains since). During this time he has kept a day-to-day diary of 'knee events.' He has also been seeing a consultant 'knee-man,' a certain Mr Schvitzenburger who allocates three-monthly appointments for reasons such as; "You need a X-ray Mr Smith, You need to make another appointment Mr Smith." This series of events goes on for the best part of two years.

Eventually, he receives a letter from Mr Schvitzenburger making an appointment for three months further on. By the time he attends this latest appointment Phil is really frustrated. To make matters worse, Mr Schvitzenburger is busy elsewhere and Phil has to see his (Mr Schvitzenburger's) assistant. At this stage Phil takes on both roles - patient and doctor. He wears an old brown raincoat one side to act the part of Phil and a white coat the other side to act the doctor. From then on Phil is subjected to typical bureaucratic double-talk.

Running-time 20 mins.

Actors: 1. Set. Whatever you can afford. At least one large NHS sign with arrows pointing two directions. Under one is the word 'KNEES' under the other are BACKS, ANKLES, ELBOWS and HIPS.

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